Dear journal,
When you have new nurses, you train them hard. You teach them things, and you let them discover the rest. Push them to their limits so that you'll know their full potential. Later on, you will pat yourself at the back for you have created prepared allies rather than human migraines.
Sir Johnny told me this morning that I will be the primary nurse to receive the open-heart case. More than the feeling of anxiety, I felt excited. Imagine, I haven't received an open-heart case for almost 6 months now. For the past 2 years, my life has been surrounded by CABGs and valve replacements. I can say that (though I'm relieved I'm not in Egypt anymore) I miss the thrill and the rush of adrenaline everytime an open-heart case comes.
But alas, I don't feel good about today. Here's why.
I think Sir Johnny is the only want who wants me to receive the case. I informed the charge nurse already, but I can sense that she prefers the senior CCU nurse to handle the incoming valve replacement. And beside, the senior nurse is eager to receive as well. He already endorsed his patient to another nurse, and started writting the medications of the incoming case.
So I'm like caught in the middle. I have Sir Johnny who is expecting me to learn the protocol here in cardiac surgery , a senior nurse who still wants to receive, and a charge nurse who goes for the convenience of having a trained staff to be the primary nurse of a patient who has had a heart surgery.
If I were Sir Johnny, I'd do the same. He probably knows that early exposure to major cases can lead to good staffing later on. I am assuming, therefore, that he has read my profile and knows that my experience in Egypt is good enough. I said a silent thanks after he spoke to me this morning. I wasn't able to say it out loud. I just said, "yes sir."
If I were the senior nurse, I would be happy to be of assistance to new nurses. Everybody starts from scratch, right? I think he was instructed by Sir Johnny to back me up during the admission and to teach me what I needed to know. Yes, he taught me to prepare the room; but after that, he did everything by himself.
And if I were the charge nurse, I would free the primary nurse from his patient (because I still have a patient up until now), and would ask him to prepare well. In any situation, preparation is necessary for efficiency and effectiveness to be there. If I were the charge nurse and I asked a new staff to receive a critical case, I would be scared, too. But we should go beyond the fear, for fear causes us to hold back and settle for everything in the status quo. Admit it or not, change is an inevitable thing. Not all changes are bad. Some are good, too.
I still do not know what will happen later. The senior nurse is quite prepared now, which is why I'm already hesitant to raise my hand and volunteer myself (I did not even do it; Sir Johnny did it for me). The events later will probably require another journal c",)
Never in my life have I assumed that I know everything. Though I am an experienced cardiac surgery nurse, it is still different here. I recognize the fact that being in a new hospital, the protocols, the equipment, and the doctors are different as well. I understand where the charge nurse is coming from. I just wished she trusted me more.
Remember, lightning could strike anytime...
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