The Huge Elephant and I...

Dear journal,


This past weeks, I have been confronted with a decision that I really needed to make. It's like the big elephant in the room that needs attention. Up until now, I haven't fully made up my mind. There is indeed something unnerving and direful in making a decision so important it changes your life.

All of us would probably have a list of our might-have-beens in our lives; a list of possible scenarios if we have chosen differently in the past. I, for one, have this list. Like the time when I chose to stay for the local board exam review and decided not to go for the final interview of a certain search that I joined before. I am thinking, if I had gone to the interview, maybe I could have had my one page of fame in the Philippine Daily Inquirer that I could really be proud about. But thinking differently, if I had missed 3 days of the review, I might as well have failed in the licensure exam (which is the worst thing that could happen to me, I suppose).

If all of us have like a cheat sheet, where the effects of choices are written, we will always be confident and satisfied with every decision we make; that is why it is called a cheat sheet, for the true nature is cheating, which we actually cannot have in real life. So I thought, He is really brilliant in every way; He made everything fool-proof.

Just like in movies, you have to choose which wire to cut to deactivate a bomb to prevent a major explosion and save the day. Sometimes, you are like the lead actor who always seems to know what to do in times of crisis. But other times, you can also be the poor bastard who cut his way to death because of poor judgement and bad luck. Bombs are everywhere, and the wires are deceptive; you can't just trust colors, for they are irrelevant when it is dark.

Our life is weaved with discernments and risks. Intuition, sometimes, has nothing to do with it. We shouldn't trust our guts if we have our brain to rely on. We can't just toss the coin and gamble the infinite possibilities offered to us. We think about it, and we think really hard. We ask our friends, too, for they can say what we, sometimes, deny ourselves. Coming up with the best decision, ergo, is a talent, too.

How I wish perfect decisions are just laid for us to pick. But life, in general, is far from easy. So tonight, as I lay myself to sleep, I place my hands together like an angel praying, and ask the Supreme Planner to enlighten and guide me in choosing the perfect resolution. Who knows, He could be sending me signs tomorrow, right? And so, I believe... 


Remember, lightning could strike anytime...