♥✩♥ The Last Hurrah! ♥✩♥

This was written after my super friends and I went to Sharm El Sheikh in Egypt. Our contracts there were about to end, thus came this journal.




Dear journal,




Time does not last longer than friendship --- for it is with friendship that we count one lifetime and not with every seconds that passesby...

We were armed with the thought that it was the move that each of us needed for us to start the trek that we have not dared to take until then. We came here to conquer Egypt, but little did we know that this land can make us its conquests...

And so we arrived...


May was Sheila's month. Next came Rica in June. Two months later was Archie's turn. Then, in September, I arrived. People say that two is better than one. I say, four is the number to beat. It may not be the highest number there is, but it beats one, two, and three all the time!

It was summer when we came. The heat was intolerable and the sand was added in the list of our foes. We struggled with work. The adjustment was tough and all the strategies seemed to fail...

The only silver lining that we had that time was that we were always there for each other. Our shoulders were there for each other and we gave half of our strength to the one who needed it the most. I guess those and the laughers that we created made everything less lonely and less scary...

And now that the curtain is on cue to close, we shared, yet again, moments that will surely add years to the lasting friendship that we have built.

Distance may soon separate us, but nothing, not even millions of miles, can mar what we have made. The highest mountain and the saltiest sea are the witnesses of this moment --- our Last Hurrah!

As we go one by one, we take our bow and look forward with a smile. I will be the last to leave and I am probably having anticipatory grieving by now...

I say, it is inevitable...

I say, it is fine...

And I say, soon, without me knowing it, the one will again become four... ♥✩♥





Remember, lightning could strike even in Egypt... :)

Faith and Placebo...

Dear journal,


When I found out that my mother was sick, my world seemed to stop for a second as my knees went weak. I know that I can't show any sign of weakness because that is the last thing that could help. Being the older child, I have lived up to every responsibility that our circumstance has given us. Give big problems, and I would be the first in line to look for solutions, but having a sick family member is really arduous for me as it is for anybody else. It is not my cup of tea; it is not anyone's cup of tea, I suppose.

All of us are tired and would often complain of pain in any part of our body. We take care of others who are sick, but we, too, are sick. May it be emotional, physical, psychological, or spiritual, we are not always in top shape. We are all unwell in one way or another, but we still strive to be better, which is why we give out a healthy facade. But looking better doesn't mean that we are fine; it just means that we want others to believe we are okay, so that they won't ask and we won't be obligated to tell.


Thus, we pray for healing.

Everyday, I pray for everybody's good health especially that of my family and other special people in my life. I tell the Divine Healer to place them under His mantle of protection, so that they can be away from any sickness. When I go to work, I always put in my mind that my profession as a nurse is His way of sending His love to those who are suffering here on earth. We have on the palm of our hands the ability to cure anything if only we believe.


Healing is a miracle that happens every minute of the day. It is a gift that is sometimes left unnoticed. The cure to every diseases and every illness of the body may still not be discovered, but the cure to a sick soul lies only on one thing: Faith.

The reason why there is placebo effect is because people can heal themselves even just by thinking about it. By believing that there is something or someone healing them makes them heal, the unreal becomes true, and the doubts, removed. By virtue of faith, healing becomes possible even in the most desperate time.

I know in my heart that my mother will surpass this test of faith she is on. She will witness the realization of the aspirations that we have as a family. It is fine to be scared, I assure myself. I believe in many things, for it is one of the things that put complacency on my pillow when I close my eyes at night. Faith, as I see it, gives another dimention to hope. With those things in mind, the future isn't as scary anymore.


Remember, lightning could strike anytime...

The Sanity In Insanity...

Dear journal,


I guess I was not born to be a psychiatric nurse.

It's really hard dealing with the not-so-sane people. You have to possess sky-high understanding and unlimited patience because they are not in their proper minds. If they tell you hurtful things, the only thing you can do is to let it out of your system, and not take it as it is, or else you'll end your shift with excess in emotional baggage.

The field of neurology, I think, is one of the most depressing fields there is aside from Oncology. The brain is a complex organ that is quite hard to understand more than the heart. It is the father of all the cells, enzymes, and impulses that are present in our body. Once the brain becomes sick, other parts will grieve and will be affected, too.

Our world is a big psychiatric ward with increasing number of affected people. Lunacy, as I see it, is a highly contagious disease with unstable incubation period. The differential diagnosis is simple even though they come in all shapes and sizes, dressed up and well-mannered at times. Crazy people think the same because studies have shown that they all come from the same causative agent. How do I know all these? It is because I am one of them.

Yes, I am crazy, too. I'm a difficult person to handle with frequent complex thoughts and ideas, that are signs of a decade old paranoia and infantile trust. I tend to manage these psychiatric manifestations by telling myself that being aware of my insanity is already the first step in recovery. Therefore, I am not just a plain lunatic; I am a recovering crazy person.

As nurses, we see people as patients who need our compassion and care regardless of how rude they act toward us. We don't listen to the words they utter, but we try to hear the sound of help that comes everytime they raise their voices to communicate something to us. We are expected to know therapeutic communication by heart, and put it into practice all the time.


One way or another, we are all weaved with a strand or two of insanity. Some can control it, while others don't. For those who lost it, the best way to deal with them is to let them feel that no matter what they say or do, we will still be there, with arms open and free, to accept them and to give them the same understanding we give to everybody else. 

Remember, lightning could strike anytime...  

Lies are the Liars' Truth

Dear journal,


Real eyes realize real lies.

I have come to know recently about this person who is fond of fabricating stories. She twists events to favor her so that she'd be free from blame. She has this guts of an untamed monkey who confronts people all the time. At first, she seems so innocent, for her head is covered and you cannot see her horns. But once she starts talking, all the filth comes with such force it shocks you.

Some people know her to be this ever helpful and so efficient worker. But little do they know that she chooses those whom she helps. She has two sides in her that is so apparent especially when she hasn't been on her third break. I respected her, for she's old, but i realized that even old people should work for respect, too. All of us are on the same playing field when it comes to this, I believe.

I hate people who tell lies like it is the most natural thing in the world. They find convenience in not telling the truth. They hear one thing, and convey it as if a new book has been written; the edited version though is pretty convincing because they are good. Years of practice made them masters of their craft. I tell lies as well, but I don't make it a hobby and it's definitely not a pleasure.

Lies can make mountains move and command oceans to divide into two. It can create hostilities and bogus peace, and make men turn against themselves. If you live in lies, you'll continue to live in dreams and never wake up. Once the lies are dropped, you might find yourself naked and vulnerable; insecurities will crawl in your bed and suffocate you until you finally admit to yourself that you haven't been true.


And so I am certain: Lies are the liars' truth.




Remember, lightning could strike the liars, too...

The Law of Supply and Demand...

Dear journal,


We are all commodities. We package ourselves, present them to possible buyers, and name our price. We search for other people, and we see their price tags, too. The rule is: we can only get what we can afford. But unlike fragile commodities, if people break us, we are not yet considered sold; but rather, we will still be the unsold broken man who waits for healing and miracle. 

It is like the olympics everyday; competition is everywhere. When you are in college, you'll have to get satisfactory grades so that you can graduate. When you graduate, you'll have to land a competitive job. Then when you get a job, you'll have to be good in it so that you won't get fired. This happens to everyone, not just to you, so everybody is your rival.

You study harder, you look better, and you gain more experience so that you can have the edge over others. If others give it their 100%, you run a mile longer and give 110% just to take the lead.

It is the same thing when it comes to love. You put yourself out there hoping somebody would notice. You cut your hair a little shorter, put on the best perfume, and dress like you are dress to kill. Love (correct me if I'm wrong) does not just happen to everybody; you have to make it happen sometimes. I think this is the reason why "I'm single" is placed on facebook so that those who are interested may know that you are indeed available. 


But nothing is as easy as it seems. It is a jungle out there, the cliche goes. We put on our best profile picture and print our detailed curriculum vitae so that the world may have a glimpse of who we are. We balance the law of supply and demand, for we are, in entirety, the supply and the demand. 


Remember, lightning could strike anytime...

When Dexter Morgan and Captain Barbell Met...

Dear journal,


I want to go to Miami and meet Dexter Morgan, the famous blood splatter guy who moonlights as a serial killer. I want to hang out with him and ask him many questions about the kind of life he lives, about the people he kills, and about his favorite donut. I want to see him at work (doing the blood splatter thing, not the killing) and pick his brain about the killer code that he has. If only he's a real guy and not a character in a TV series I watch entitled Dexter...                    

I'm a big fan of TV series. I am currently hooked on Chuck, Grey's Anatomy, Brothers and Sisters, Glee, and Dexter. I even frequently check the episode guide for each of them so that I won't miss any episode. I just anticipate every episode, and feel excited every time another one is coming out. I can watch them all day without getting bored. I am such an addict; my flatmates can attest to that.

If you're a fanatic like me, you won't help but compare our local tv series to that of other countries. I compare them all the time. Clark Kent in Smallville flies like he's really flying, but Captain Barbell, on the other hand, looks like he's hanging from somewhere with his harness on. The effects on Imortal seem so basic if you compare them to that of Vampire Diaries; vampires look really pale white in the latter, and do not look like they've been rolled on flour. I could elaborate on the comparisons, but it would take me all day.

Actually, the physical and effect aspects of the local series may be forgiveable, for we are really behind in terms of film technology. But the sad part is, they do not just lack in manner, but they are poor in matter, too. Substance, I believe, is very important in films. Plots are almost the same all the time, which start off with usual story lines, and have very predictable endings. It seems that they just rehash old programs, put in a new name, and a new TV series is born.

I am a patriotic person. I am not, in any way, putting down our fellowmen just because I find some of our TV programs to be lame and prosaic. I just think we can do more than that. We are Filipinos, and we can create better characters than Nita-Negrita or different story line than Cinderella. We have great actors and actresses who just need good materials to act on. Our minds could send rockets if we work for it more. We are, after all, one of the most ingenious people around.

Yes, I want to meet Dexter Morgan. And Mara and Clara, too.


Remember, lightning could strike anytime...

The Thrill of the Game...

Dear journal,


My friends and I went to Al Shallal amusement park last week. Though I'm really not into extreme rides and all, I went because it was Lolly's requests (she's going home already so that's the least that I can do, right?) I haven't even been to Enchanted Kingdom or Star City. I believe I should start to pity myself already, shouldn't I?

Though I was not fine that day, I had fun, and I got to spend time with my friends. Being there felt like we were not in the kingdom of the arabs. Lolly and I shared the same fear of heights, so we just enjoyed watching the rest of them riding those crazy rides that I wouldn't even dare to ride even in my sleep. I admire them, for they can conquer their fears well.

Your story and my story are like those wild rides that make your insides turn upside down. Our life can indeed be scary fast and horrifyingly high. Nothing is to be expected even on permanent things, for everything is moving and changing all at the same time. There is nothing new in this; this is just the way things are.You try to hold on to something as if your life actually depends on it when all you are expected to do is to let go. This is how irony can become really bad; it makes you feel like your life is nothing but a mere joke.

And then you rode the one you thought would not make you sick, for it looked like the ones kids ride, only to find out that it would be the worst ride of your life. You were, yet again, deceived. You based your decision only on what your eyes can see. If you had looked pass the colorful blinking lights and the seemingly childish stuff, you could have realized that the machinery that runs inside the big kiddie ride is enough to make your head turn and pray like you have never prayed before.

I think we can agree on one thing though, all of us enjoyed the bump car. First, you get to drive carelessly and just be carefree regardless if you know how to drive a real car or not. `And second, you get the general idea of the ride, which is: to bump or be bumped.


May it be the adorned carrousel or the dreaded octopus, we just have to enjoy the ride and savor every minute our feet are above the ground. When the ride is done and our feet kissed the soil of the earth, let us still be grateful for the vertigo, for it only means one thing: You are alive. 


Remember, lightning could strike anytime...

Defense Mechanism and I...

Dear journal,


The other day, Alex was giving me a weird albeit useful advice:

If you have many concerns and problems, you have to think of a good defense mechanism so that you will be able to cope perfectly.

Usually, Avoidance works for me pretty well. He was telling me to use Supression instead. I said, I'm too emotional of a person to make use of that defense mechanism. I'm like a fountain of emotions all bottled up; if I supress these, I'll surely go crazy. I sometimes use Denial as well, but it is just too painful once you stop. Though Reaction Formation is not my thing, I think it has to be used when needed; masks are good when your other defenses are down.

Nobody in their right mind would want to experience pain. You share to others and you cry, but those things can only do so much to ease whatever it is you're feeling. You search for comfort, but comfort seems to be the last thing you can find. And you cry some more, for it somehow unloads the burden that you feel on your chest. Then when everything fails, your defense mechanisms are there to the rescue.

We use mechanisms because we are done with being knocked out all the time, and we want to be better even if, deep inside, we know that we are just sugar-coating the bitterness of our pain. We wear masks so that people won't see how fragile we really are, and how vulnerable we can be in front of those who we love. We always show up with a smile so that nobody won't notice the tears that have dried during the night. At the end of the day, one does whatever makes him sleep at night.

Unconsciously, we have been using one or probably two of these defenses when we had to avoid ugly truths and scenes. Without us knowing it, we have been accustomed to the idea of not facing the problem directly and deviating it into something more tolerable. I guess there is nothing wrong with this as long as our self-awareness is intact. Later if everything becomes unmanageable, we might just find ourselves embracing insanity and befriending lunacy.

Ergo, we should be stronger to face whatever it is we are hiding from. Defense mechanisms are only temporary and are not for good. We can only fool ourselves for a little time, or else we will be the fool in the end. Yes, pain is really painful. But hey, it will come to pass, too. We can drop the act and remove our masks now, and just be comfortable to face the day with bravado. And the pain? We'll just get used to that (fingers-crossed)...  

Remember, lightning could strike anytime... 

Love and Hurt...

Dear journal,



If you are not ready to be hurt, you are not ready to love...

I have a friend who has had a severe accident recently; a very bad accident, which caused her heart to break. It started when she dove into a relationship that has an expiration date written all over it right from the start. He loves her, and she loves him, too. But like the best love story ever told, love was just not enough.

It started unexpectedly for the two of them. The friendship that they've had turned into something deeper, which was a surprise for both of them especially to my friend. They did not need any reminder on what they were getting themselves into. When you see love the first time, you'll know it the moment two people touch even when they are apart.

So why did it end then?

Just like the story of the one that got away, timing has everything to do with it. They were ready for love, but were not ready to be hurt. A wise man once said that love and pain are always together; one dare not exists in the absence of the other. They may have found a great love just waiting to be harnessed, but they were unprepared for the low tides that will come their way. There is no perfect relationship, my friend said. I put my hand on her back and said, "I cannot agree more..."

Love has its way of reminding us that no matter how hard you try and how well you manage, if the puzzle does not fit in all the angles, the picture won't be perfect. You can try to cut it, or probably adjust the size, but the point of the matter is, you may fool the eyes, but you can never fool the heart. 

So for you my dear friend, you have to let go because it is the only choice you have right now. I understand how difficult it can be to tell your heart to be deaf and blind for a while. But you have to tame it, for a tamed heart is a heart that can see beyond darkness and can hear beyond silence. If he is braver and wiser, he will come back to you with much fervor than before. When that time comes, even with all the scars and imperfections, the love that you will have can only be described by one word: Perfect.


Remember, lightning could strike anytime...

When Brothers and Sisters Ended...

Dear journal,


I cried bucket of tears this morning while I was watching the season finale of the series Brothers and Sisters. At the end of the episode, this line was mentioned: 

"It is never too late to be what you might have been..."

I have this conviction from a long time ago that everyone is destined to be great. In my mind, when the world was created, the Divine Painter did not create anything mediocre, for everybody was made in His likeness and He knows that equality should reign among all His creations. I bet there was even a time when the ants, the elephant, and the dinosaurs, no matter how different they were in their sizes, were all equal. But somewhere along the history of mankind, some people doubted their own abiliy, stopped in the middle, and just ceased dreaming. Though their fate was already written for them, they weren't able to fulfill the master plan; they were like an incomplete song with missing notes and melody in the end.

And then the story continues...

I have known people in the past who have ended their journey early, for fear of the requisites of the world. Though they wanted to pursue something bigger than what they already have, hindrances come and block them, which leave them crippled. Some quit because the english exam was tough and unforgiving, while others were worn out of the never-ending requirements for this and that. Some have failed and did not try again, while some didn't even bother trying. Yes, they have big dreams, but the problem is, they feel so small to reach them.

Just recently, I decided to pursue a bigger plan. There's nothing concrete and solid about it. There's no assurance, too. But I know, and I can feel it, that it's meant for me. I may be jumping out of a ship into the sea of uncertainty, but there's no backing out now. I just don't want any regrets if ever I don't heed the call. Might-have-beens are the worst nightmare anyone can have.

This is not an easy world to live in, even some fish has to travel from one ocean to another just to survive harsh winters. This is indeed a demanding world. But in the words of Lady Gaga, we are all born superstars, so we just have to prove our worth. We have to believe in what we can do, and trust that we can do more. If there are opportunities, we grab them; if there are none, we make them happen. At the end of the day, we will go back to the line that was uttered by Nora Walker: It is really never too late to be what you might have been.

Remember, lightning could strike anytime... 

The Day for Mothers...

May 2008
Mothers' day


Dear Journal,


It has been 24 years ago when you had given life to me. At an early age of seventeen, you have been faced with a challenge that only great people can give justice to --- Motherhood.

Instead of running the other way, you have stood your ground and sacrificed many things in order to rise up to the situation. On this special day, it's time for me to put into words what you have done for me even though, as I think of it, no words can really suffice everything that you did. But at least I will try, for it is time to give credit to where credit is due...

I must admit that our life has not been that easy. We have been through trials and tribulations that, up until this day, I can still remember clearly. I tend not to forget those moments, because with those moments, I realize that there was someone who never gave up and, above all, continued to fight; someone who says, "kaya ta ni" (we can do this) and, "may paagi pa" (there's still a way) even if she was already in tears; someone who has this unwavering faith in God and the idea that He will not give us a cross that we cannot afford to carry; and someone who can stand in front of judging people with much humility and pride; someone I call--- my mother.

My mother is not an extraordinary mother. She commits mistakes just like any other person out there. If you put her in a crowd, you will not even recognize her. You see her, and you may not see anything special. Yes, I am not ashamed to say that my mother is ordinary. But the thing is, out of her ordinary works and words, she has made an extraordinary life for my sister and I, a life that is full of love and understanding, of tenderness and of hope...

She is the most special girl in my life next to no one. For the past three years that I have been away, there was not a single moment that I felt that she was not there. Her presence in me is so strong that I do not need her to be with me physically, for just the thought of her brings me her hugs and kisses from across the seas. And now that I am with her again, I take every opportunity to show her how much she means to me...

She is the one who really completes me. She is the reason why I am here, and I shall be grateful for that forever. Some people say that they are ready to die for others so that they may call themselves noble. I say, I am willing to live all my life just to make my mother's life noble. Because for me, mothers deserve much nobility like that of a hero. Because my mother? Yes, she is my hero...

Remember, lightning could strike even on Mothers' day... 

The Prince and the Bad Guy...

Dear journal,


It has been like a Disney world lately: a prince got married, then a bad guy died. I am now wondering whether I would be hearing news about sitings of one of the seven dwarfs any time soon; that would definitely be epic!

The Prince

I have seen enough movies and read enough books to know how princes have this enthralling appeal that, apparently no one, can seem to resist. It is even hilarious to think that Cinderella, Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty all fell for the same man: the prince. Come to think of it, who would not fall for someone who is handsome, rich, lives in a castle, and has a bejeweled crown on his head, right? And just the idea of being with the royal family is already exciting as it is.

In all the dreams that I dreamt, I don't know why being a prince has never been one of them. I have had dreams of being a superhero, a villain, and even an animal, but I haven't had any "royal" dream. One would probably say that it is a really great privilege to be born with blue blood running inside of you and be in the lineage of kings and queens. But if I were a prince, I would probably be like the little prince, a prince who has tons of questions and is in search of much wisdom.

The Bad Guy


I know that it's probably ill to celebrate the death of someone; but when a bad guy dies, we just can't help but feel good about it. Everyone has his nemesis.; Superman has Lex Luther, Batman has the Joker, while Tom has Jerry. Every time the bad guy fails and end up on the losing side, we rejoice, for we know that out of all the evil and negativity, the good reigns supreme no matter what the circumstance is.

We do have qualms about monsters, villains, and beasts. In the real world, the bad guys are the terrorists, war-freaks, and dognappers. The truth is that they breed fast these days, and they just multiple by more than four digits per day. It is alarming though that they are already hiding beneath masks that hide their true intentions. World leaders and faith workers are two of their common disguises nowadays. They talk about peace, but they work for war; they preach about piety, but what they practice is infidelity.

It is always a field day if people hear about a prince or a bad guy. They are not fictitious; they are real. So here is what we should think about:

Happily-ever-after is not just limited in fairy tales; it can happen to us, too. Maybe we have to lose a slipper first, or eat a poisoned apple. Whatever it is, everybody deserves a happy ending.
Remember, lightning could strike anytime... 

The Huge Elephant and I...

Dear journal,


This past weeks, I have been confronted with a decision that I really needed to make. It's like the big elephant in the room that needs attention. Up until now, I haven't fully made up my mind. There is indeed something unnerving and direful in making a decision so important it changes your life.

All of us would probably have a list of our might-have-beens in our lives; a list of possible scenarios if we have chosen differently in the past. I, for one, have this list. Like the time when I chose to stay for the local board exam review and decided not to go for the final interview of a certain search that I joined before. I am thinking, if I had gone to the interview, maybe I could have had my one page of fame in the Philippine Daily Inquirer that I could really be proud about. But thinking differently, if I had missed 3 days of the review, I might as well have failed in the licensure exam (which is the worst thing that could happen to me, I suppose).

If all of us have like a cheat sheet, where the effects of choices are written, we will always be confident and satisfied with every decision we make; that is why it is called a cheat sheet, for the true nature is cheating, which we actually cannot have in real life. So I thought, He is really brilliant in every way; He made everything fool-proof.

Just like in movies, you have to choose which wire to cut to deactivate a bomb to prevent a major explosion and save the day. Sometimes, you are like the lead actor who always seems to know what to do in times of crisis. But other times, you can also be the poor bastard who cut his way to death because of poor judgement and bad luck. Bombs are everywhere, and the wires are deceptive; you can't just trust colors, for they are irrelevant when it is dark.

Our life is weaved with discernments and risks. Intuition, sometimes, has nothing to do with it. We shouldn't trust our guts if we have our brain to rely on. We can't just toss the coin and gamble the infinite possibilities offered to us. We think about it, and we think really hard. We ask our friends, too, for they can say what we, sometimes, deny ourselves. Coming up with the best decision, ergo, is a talent, too.

How I wish perfect decisions are just laid for us to pick. But life, in general, is far from easy. So tonight, as I lay myself to sleep, I place my hands together like an angel praying, and ask the Supreme Planner to enlighten and guide me in choosing the perfect resolution. Who knows, He could be sending me signs tomorrow, right? And so, I believe... 


Remember, lightning could strike anytime...  

To mend and Amend...

Dear journal,

First of the seven last words:


"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do..."

In the van on my way to work today, I overheard some of the guys talking about holy week. One was saying that he doesn't feel the lenten season at all, while another was laughing because he still ate corned beef for breakfast on a Good Friday. He added that it's fine because we are not in the Philippines anyway. I don't want to come clean and say that I am not like them, for the sad truth is: I am.

When I was a kid, I hated holy week. I was just not enticed by the melancholic scenario I saw everywhere. We were not allowed to play, to laugh, or to even giggle. I actually just realized now how strict people back then were. As far as I can remember, the only time that I enjoyed was when we went from one church to another, and watched little boys and girls dressed as angels being suspended in air. I even wished I could be one of them.

So the question now is: what is the real essence of the lenten season then?

To say that this season is just about penitence and fasting is far from the truth. Though Ms. Merriam and Mr. Webster define it that way, it isn't just as precise as saying that it is more than that. Holy week is more than not eating meat and staying away from vice. It is more than not being your evil self (for at least 7 days), and  be on the good side. Others would even go to the extent of having themselves crucified and be on the cross with thorned crown; I respect them, for they interpret this season as suffering and sacrifice. Different people with different beliefs under one faith. As for me, holy week is about reflecting about all the facets of ones life and having the resolution to mend and amend.

AMEND. It is just right for us to look at our lives in other people's perspective. Let us ask ourselves: Am I a blessing to others? If you are, you can still cover more people, and spread more love. There is no such word as enough in you are being a gift to others. But if you are not, then it is not yet too late for you to improve and enhance your self; you cannot just give up on yourself, can you?

TO MEND. In a lifetime, there would always be things that will be broken. Shattered relationship. Smashed promises. Wrecked dreams. But even if the clock stops from ticking and the tides, from changing, everybody will still have a chance to fix darkened wounds, puzzled souls, and chaotic faces. One has to incessantly believe in the power of the universe and its creator; healing, afterall, is all in the mind.

So in this season of the passion of the Son, let us not forget to amend and to mend, and say our prayer. For this, let us all say Amen. 

Remember, lightning could strike anytime... 

Tweets and Twitters...

Dear journal,


"We are afraid of losing what we have, whether it's our life or our possessions and property. But this fear evaporates when we understand that our life stories and the history of the world were written by the same hand..."

Archie was laughing at me the other day because he saw how affected I was with the news that AJ Perez died. How can I not be sad, I follow him on twitter! Though I am really not a fan, it is still shocking to know that somebody as young as he was is already gone. Showbiz or not, the demise of a young person (or any person for that matter) is still appalling to me as rain in the sahara desert.

Everybody in the Philippine twitter world was shaken up even those who were not really familiar with the one who died. I guess curiosity can get the best of people especially in today's world of information and social networks. I have read varying comments ranging from sympathies to bewilderment, from inquisitiveness to outrage. Who would have thought in the past that a single network can accommodate different people's opinion all at the same time. The power of technology is still overwhelming.

He was just seventeen and did not even reach the prime of his life. He finished a show without knowing that his life would end, too, after that. Life just flashed in front of him in an instant; and probably even before he realized what was happening, his last glimpsed was of himself in slow motion, awaiting the destiny written for him by the Divine Writer.

Even if you go to the best fortune-teller or the most sensible palm-reader there is, you won't know when you'll say goodbye. There is always this fear of passing away because it is, most of the time, paralled with doom. Pain, afterall, is not a good dessert.

I, too, have a twitter account, but I don't tweet that much. I'm just fond of reading other people's tweets. But, without calling bad vides and negative omen, I wish that (way before I die) I would be able to tweet tweets that could launch ships and inspire others. 

Remember, lightning could strike anytime...

The Hero and the Villain...

Dear journal,


Every hero has a sidekick; every villain, a partner in crime.
I don't think I would survive the challenges of my life without my friends. When I had the biggest heartbreak, I went to them for comfort, and they were there to help me patch the fragments back. When I was in my lowest in college, they were there to remind me that my brain was still inside its skull and I can still use it no matter what other people said. And when I lost my confidence in the Divine Being, they guided me back to the light of righteousness and, for the nth time, told me not to lose faith.

Our friends are the people who are not in our bloodline, and yet act as our brothers and sisters. You will actually find them anywhere only if you are open to every possibility of friendship. But you have to be finicky, too, for not everyone can be your friends. Some are just meant to be others, and nothing more.

Do you know how to choose rightly? Well, it's easy. Try to throw all of them in a pool, and whoever floats are those to be incinerated and be avoided. Why? Fakes are plastics; they float.

One of my favorite tv series is FRIENDS. I have watched all the episodes from season 1 to 10, and I enjoyed every one of them. I can probably relate with all the craziness that the show depicted, and the hilarious characters from Joey to Phoebe. If I can have half of the love they were able to show there, I will already be contented and satisfied.

But I am; I mean, contented and satisfied.

TV series or not, establishing significant kinships and meaningful liaisons are consequential things that we cannot afford to neglect in our life. May it be a sidekick or a partner in crime, all of us were born with someone on our side.

I remind myself of what I wrote before:

Time does not last longer than friendship... for it is with friendship that we count one lifetime and not with every second that passes by...

I rest my case... c",)

Remember, lightning could strike anytime...

The Origin of Pimples...

Dear journal,


A certain pimple tribe is having a party on my face. I told them already to go away, but they don't seem to comprehend how anxious I am because of them. I don't give them water nor food, but they always come and settle on the perimeter of my face. I guess a place to stay is all they ever wanted.

Everybody would probably concur that having pimples is a major situation that everybody dreads. When you first glance at a person, you look straight at their face and not their feet or their neck for that matter. It is in the primary degree of first impressions where we decide if somebody is pretty, ugly, or somewhere in between. Admit it or not, we see people with our eyes first before we look at them with our hearts.

When we were kids, some of us would laugh about other people's flaws and feebleness. We were even fond of calling each other names and would altogether laugh at how funny those things sound. We were naive and insensitive, but some got hurt because of how true some of the words were. We were children then with silly games and foolish ways. Some of us have outgrown those childish ways, while some have remained their infantile selves.

I was chatting with my mother yesterday when she noticed my not-so-clean face. See, even my mother was bothered by the zits that are like blinking neon lights for everybody to see. According to some people, vanity won't take you places, but I beg to disagree. Yes, vanity is not a sin if handled with caution. It is but a reminder to take care of yourself more. Narcissism is a different story though.

As we become more mature and more considerate, we will be able to go beyond the physical paradigm, and transcend to an acceptable view of others. When that time comes, discrimination based on looks will cease to happen, and the pattern of social injustice will come into a new order. Sounds intelligent, right? But you know, it is just me justifying the unwanted pimples on my face.

Remember, lightning could strike anytime... c",)

Life in Medical...

Dear journal,


I was pulled out the other day to the medical floor. I handled one patient who, according to them, required 1:1 care. What's good about having been floated on that floor was that I came to realize how fortunate I am to be in ICU. At times, you have to see what others have in order for you to realize that what you have is better. Reality check, others call it.

I was but a quiet observer that day. I was not busy with my patient who has a private duty nurse with him as well. As much as I wanted to do more to help the staff there, being it the first time I've been floated, I still did not know what to do or where to go for that matter. It was exhausting to think that the stock room there was on the far end of the floor. And alas, everything that I needed seemed to be found nowhere but at the store.

I must say that I commend the nurses working in the ward; I salute them for the kind of work they are doing there. Having primary nursing as our modality of care here at IMC, handling 4-6 patients is not a light task at all. I for one would probably have a hard time managing one case after another. Time management is essential in what they do because there are lots of things to be done. If you are not that careful, it's either you neglect your patient or you neglect yourself; more often than not, it is the latter that's ignored and bypassed.

Kristine was the charge nurse that time. Though I still don't know her much, I can say that she's one tough charge nurse who knows what she's doing pretty well. She encourages her staff to explore their skills so that they'd be more independent. She has good command over her staff, and she already knows the loops and turns of the system, which makes her a potent leader. It takes guts and brains to run the medical floor smoothly; she has those. 

Everybody knows that the work in special areas is really different from that of the wards. Each area has its own hurdles and difficulties. If you are an ER nurse, you should be good in IV cannulation. If you are in ICU, you should know how to deal with central and arterial lines with its transducers. If you are in OR, you should be familiar with the various sterile instruments that are used during an operation. Ergo, it boils down to a certain degree of specialization may it be in the special area or in the ward. 

Nobody can really say which unit is harder than the other. I guess it is just a matter of dedication towards your work no matter where you are assigned.

Remember, lightning could strike anytime...

Authenticity and Relevance...

Dear journal,


My philosophy is to always live my life with authenticity and relevance. 

In our life, we meet different people coming from different walks of life. Some have made impact on us, while some have left us with no trace and with no memory of who they were. Those people whom we still remember even in the midst of brief amnesia are the people who have touched our lives in one way or another. If our biography is to be written, they will surely be there because they are vital in our tale.

I was telling Archie during dinner the other day how I don't want to grow old with no purpose and importance in life. We both agreed that it is scary to go day by day without knowing why you are here on earth or perhaps not realizing your role in the scheme of things. We decided that we will not be like this person we know; someone who is already of age, but doesn't seem to know what life is all about.

I am not saying that we have to be big people like a president or a famous actor in order to be relevant; the fact remains that some big people are irrelevant, too. Saints weren't saints when they were born; they were just ordinary people doing extraordinary work. They were able to go the extra mile because they did not just focus on themselves, but on others. Relevance, therefore, is how we affect other people in a good and positive way.

Do you know that feeling when you were able to help others and they appreciated you for your kindness? Perhaps when you consoled a person grieving and that person told you how he felt better because of your words? Or when you loved someone unconditionally and everything became fine simply because you were there? At the end of the day, when you are already on your deathbed, the eulogy that will be given for you shall be the best testimony of your life.

I am still a work in progress when it comes to this. I take baby-steps daily towards finding the right place. In simple ways, I try to do my part. When the judgement day comes, I shall be more than ecstatic to face the Divine Creator. I will tell Him everything altough I know He probably knows more than I do.

Remember, lightning could strike anytime...

Care Assistants and the Patient...

Dear journal,


At the start of this shift, I went to the lounge and asked 2 Patient Care Assistants to help me position the patient on his back because a doctor was already inside the room ready to do abdominal and pelvic ultrasound. One of them said, "Why is it that you are going to position your patient now? We have just started our duty and here you are again." I explained to them once more that the patient needs to be on his back for the ultrasound. I waited for them in the room, but to my dismay, nobody came.

My spirit went low and was really disapppointed. I did not ask them something that was beyond their scope of work. I asked them in a nice manner, too, but they still opted not to do their job. Ate Haidee once told me that one of her weaknesses is to ask favor from others, which is why she does everything she can do instead of asking someone to do it for her. I can understand why she does this. I understand her perfectly well.

After one hour, something else happened...
I went inside the patient's room and asked him how he was doing. He was my patient before and was just re-admitted in ICU the other day. Yesterday, I wasn't to talk to him because he was really so sick. I did not even see him opened his eyes the entire night. Today, he seems to be a llittle bit well. I took the opportunity to tell him how happy I am to see that he is doing better than yesterday. Unexpectedly, he told me this:

"You know, there are 2 types of nurses; there are those who just do their work, and leave the hospital after everything has been done, but there are also those nurses who work with their heart. You, you work with your heart. Thank you..."
Things like this give me this sense of fulfillment that no material thing can ever suffice. I do not pride myself of being the best or even near that place, but at least I know that when I work, I make sure that the patient feels that I somehow care. And I think, when we touch our patients, they can feel our intentions; that sets the good staff from the bad ones.

What if the coin turned and you became the patient? What will you feel if the nurse doesn't turn you every 2 hours? How about if the nurse speaks to you in a rude way? This time, imagine you are taking care of your mother. Will you give her her medications on time? Will you do skin and mouth care regularly? Will you handle her with gentle touch and compassionate care?

We don't have to be Einsteins or be Clark Kents to be good nurses; we just have to have the heart for our job. 
Ergo, I think, if all of us could just think of our patients as someone dear to us, we would all be doing the best to give them the care that they truly deserve. 

Remember, lightning could strike anytime...

My Yellow Shoes and I...

Dear journal,


I am wearing yellow shoes right now. I have been wearing them for more than 2 weeks now. I like them albeit some people don't. What other people do not know is that I wear them not because of its color, but because its really comfortable. I think that makes the difference.

Alex told me the other night how people misconstrue my actions into something not likeable and how others criticize me for what they assume I am. I am presumably one of the most misunderstood people there is. I usually say what's on my mind and really do what I think is right. I respect authority, but I do not keep quiet if something wrong is done. I am, indeed, a difficult person to handle; I'm just fortunate to have friends who are incognizant of all my flaws.

In the Philippines, you can verily divide the Filipino citizens into 2 groups: those who like Kris Aquino and those who don't. Funny as it is, up until now, it is still surprising to know how people have this extreme feelings over the queen of all media. Some adore her that much, while some despise her as well. Unlike other celebrities, when it comes to Kris, you can either just love her or hate her; there is nothing in between. And that makes her a celebrity to beat.

Pundits in psychology would have a very good explaination for this. As for me, I can only say that it is natural for man to find faults in everything. I guess we are born critics. I would not come clean and say that I don't do it. Of course, I do. You can ask my flatmates about it; they will tell you everything.

Most of the time, wysiwyg (what-you-see-is-what-you-get) does not apply and first impressions aren't always reliable. In factuality, our attitude depends on who we deal with and our intentions on that person. Our best characteristic can only be judged if we can treat a king and a beggar with the same amount of respect and courtesy at any given time.

Who we are right now is the product of all our experiences in the past, which is why its not fair sometimes to arbitrarily say something about someone we do not know on a more personal level. But we can't blame everything on poverty, poor breeding, and lack of opportunity, right? We are, after all, our own masters.

If I change so that I can please those who don't like me, I don't think I will be able to sleep well at night. Each of us has to do whatever it is that makes us happy. They can hate me for all the wrong reasons, but I will still wear my yellow shoes no matter what.
Remember, lightning could strike anytime...

Anger is an emotion...

Dear journal,


Enrage. Ire. Madden. Outrage. Infuriate. Rankle. Whatever you call it, it still means Anger.

Anger is the emotion that people of the underworld love. When they see man living in this anger-bubble, they rejoice and celebrate, for they know that many things wrong can grow out of this single emotion. They fuel the angst and they feed on envy. This is how the devils work.

In my 26 years of existence, I have been angry so many times already that it can last me a lifetime. Maybe I'm just exaggerating, but the truth is that it's difficult not to be angry if you have a very good reason to be angry. If you are someone as emotional and as sensitive as me, there is a greater chance of you being angry over something trivial. What I am saying is that when it comes to emotions, nothing is irrelevant; feelings, after all, are subjective.

Yesterday, my mother told me that people shouldn't be angry anymore and should just be happy because of what the signs of the time are telling us. She's just a bit paranoid, and I think she has every reason to be. If I was my old angry self, I would be scared of the apocalyptic scenarios that are flashed on the news all the time. Thank God, I changed. I don't know when, but there was a moment when I just got tired of being full of hate. I did not perfect the art of being-not-angry yet, but believe me when I say that I am really trying my best.

I know this particular person whom I have just met recently who creates his own anger out of his make-believe stories. Knowing psychiatric nursing, I can say that he is a product of a multi-dimentional personality disorders all rolled up into one. He is far older than I am, and yet I was the one who tried to understand. I believe that people with delusions are those with hidden anger. They displace this anger because it is the only way they can actually deal with it. He needs good friends; but how can he have good friends if he continues to have a bitter soul who feeds on malice and anger everyday?A malignant case, I must say. Anyway, I'll just pray for him tonight, and with high hopes, God makes a way for him.

There is another side of the coin, too. If you don't want to get angry, don't make other people mad as well. What goes around, comes around, so let us free ourselves from the calloused culture of insensitivity and carelessness as much as we can. Let us, ergo, tolerate although it's intolerable. 


Remember, lightning could strike anytime... 

New Nurses, Old System...

Dear journal,


When you have new nurses, you train them hard. You teach them things, and you let them discover the rest. Push them to their limits so that you'll know their full potential. Later on, you will pat yourself at the back for you have created  prepared allies rather than human migraines.

Sir Johnny told me this morning that I will be the primary nurse to receive the open-heart case. More than the feeling of anxiety, I felt excited. Imagine, I haven't received an open-heart case for almost 6 months now. For the past 2 years, my life has been surrounded by CABGs and valve replacements. I can say that (though I'm relieved I'm not in Egypt anymore) I miss the thrill and the rush of adrenaline everytime an open-heart case comes.

But alas, I don't feel good about today. Here's why.

I think Sir Johnny is the only want who wants me to receive the case. I informed the charge nurse already, but I can sense that she prefers the senior CCU nurse to handle the incoming valve replacement. And beside, the senior nurse is eager to receive as well. He already endorsed his patient to another nurse, and started writting the medications of the incoming case.

So I'm like caught in the middle. I have Sir Johnny who is expecting me to learn the protocol here in cardiac surgery , a senior nurse who still wants to receive, and a charge nurse who goes for the convenience of having a trained staff to be the primary nurse of a patient who has had a heart surgery.

If I were Sir Johnny, I'd do the same. He probably knows that early exposure to major cases can lead to good staffing later on. I am assuming, therefore, that he has read my profile and knows that my experience in Egypt is good enough. I said a silent thanks after he spoke to me this morning. I wasn't able to say it out loud. I just said, "yes sir."

If I were the senior nurse, I would be happy to be of assistance to new nurses. Everybody starts from scratch, right? I think he was instructed by Sir Johnny to back me up during the admission and to teach me what I needed to know. Yes, he taught me to prepare the room; but after that, he did everything by himself.

And if I were the charge nurse, I would free the primary nurse from his patient (because I still have a patient up until now), and would ask him to prepare well. In any situation, preparation is necessary for efficiency and effectiveness to be there. If I were the charge nurse and I asked a new staff to receive a critical case, I would be scared, too. But we should go beyond the fear, for fear causes us to hold back and settle for everything in the status quo. Admit it or not, change is an inevitable thing. Not all changes are bad. Some are good, too. 

I still do not know what will happen later. The senior nurse is quite prepared now, which is why I'm already hesitant to raise my hand and volunteer myself (I did not even do it; Sir Johnny did it for me). The events later will probably require another journal c",)

Never in my life have I assumed that I know everything. Though I am an experienced cardiac surgery nurse, it is still different here. I recognize the fact that being in a new hospital, the protocols, the equipment, and the doctors are different as well. I understand where the charge nurse is coming from. I just wished she trusted me more.

Remember, lightning could strike anytime...

Reply to:

Character: Ate Menchu...

Dear journal,



Today is Ate Menchu's last day here in ICU, for she will already be transferred to the Out Patient Department specifically in the Dobutamine Stress Test starting tomorrow. It was her decision to be assigned there. In fact, she requested for it more than 4 months back. I really don't know her exact reason for choosing to leave ICU, but I really wish her well.

Though Ate Menchu was not my preceptor, I have learned important lessons from her; lessons that only eccentric people like me might recognize.

I wish I could be like Ate Menchu, too. She doesn't seem to care about what other people say behind her back. She does what she does with a smile. Her complaints are with glints of laughter that's why I sometimes do not know whether they are indeed complaints or what. All of us live in our own side shows with a spotlight directed towards us all the time. The road is full of presumptions and premise from the bystanders who are there to paint our every movement and our every word. The colors are sometimes dark, but the sky has its way to make the hues clearer.

Others say that when you have been working at the same place for a long time, you tend to be saturated with the work, and thus you lose interest. Though Ate Menchu opted to go to another place, I don't think she lost her drive to work. Probably with the number of years that she has been working, she wants a change of scene, too. But at the end of the day, she did not decide to quit. I guess quitting was not a choice and it was never on the table.

All of us are driven by something. May it be for ourselves or for our family, we get out of bed everyday and go to work albeit we can't anymore. Stress gets some of us. They break because the thread has gotten tensed and hefty, and they forgot the beads and pearls that can go with it. For some, work and life in general can be described with only one word: Unhappiness.

Let me share to you the story told by Paolo Coelho is his novel The Alchemist.

Once upon a time, the son of a storekeeper was asked by his father to go to the wisest man in the world to ask him the secret of happiness. The wisest man lives in a beautiful castle, high atop a mountain. The wise man listened attentively to the boy's explaination of why he had come, but he didn't have the time to just explain the secret of happiness. He suggested that the boy look around the palace and return in two hours.

Meanwhile, he gave a boy a teaspoon that held two drops of oil.  He said, "As you wander around, carry that spoon with you withuot allowing the oil to spill."

The boy began climbing and descending the many stairways of the palace, keeping his eyes fixed on the spoon. After two hours, he returned to the room where the wise man was.

"Did you see the Persian tapestries that are hanging in my dining hall? Did you see the garden that it took the master gardener ten years to create? Did you notice the beautiful parchments in my library?" asked the wise man to the boy. The boy was embarrased, and confessed that he had observed nothing. His only concern had been not to spill the oil that the wise man had entrusted to him. Then the wise man asked the boy to wander again and observe the marvels of his world.

Relieved, the boy picked up the spoon and returned to his exploration of the palace, this time observing all of the works of art on the ceilings and the walls. He saw th gardens, the mountains all round him, the beauty of the flowers, and the taste with which everything had been selected. Upon returning to the wise man, he related in detail everything he had seen.

"But where are the drops of oil I entrusted to you?" asked the wise man. Looking down the spoon, the boy saw that the oil was gone.

"Well, there is only one piece of advice I can give you," said the wisest of the wise men.

"The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world, and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon."

Need I say more?

What I am trying to say is that it's fine to be like Ate Menchu sometimes. To be carefree. To be light. And to have long breaks :)

Remember, lightning could strike anytime...  :)

When the beginning ended...

Dear journal,


Sir Johnny spoke to me the other day and told me that my probationary period will be over this week. According to him, I would officially be an independent ICU/CCU nurse. Do you know what's the worst thing about it? I can't be dumb anymore!

Nobody can probably say that being new in a place is easy. Being the "newbie" means that all eyes are on you and that you are always subjected for criticisms, may it be constructive or destructive. The adjustment is always a question that can only be answered by how difficult the environment is and how easily you adapt to it. Thus, the theory of adaptation comes to play.

When you are just beginning, you deal with lots of different people having varying personalities and characteristics. The sad part is that you have to include them in the scene because, whether you like it or not, all of them are vital in the process.

We have the "Judges." They are the people who seem to know you already because they have made a verdict even before the trial began. If you are taking it easy, they would say you are lazy and is playing safe. If you are eager to learn and ask questions along the way, you are then branded as aggressive and irritating. If you show them you are skilled, they would say you are a braggart and full of yourself.

The Judges do not teach you anything, and they are not ashamed to show you their non-standard practices. They are what the newbies should evade.

Then, we have the "Pathfinders." They are those who greet you with a smile everytime you come to work looking distressed. They help you find your place in the system, for they acknowledge how it feels to be the new member of a group. They teach you because they are secure about their position and they are unselfish enough in sharing everything with you. They encourage you to grasp knowledge and be an active learner. They serve as your model, for they view you as additional hands rather than a heavy block.

These two groups are actually the main players. In every institution in any place, there will always be the judges and the pathfinders. Other variants would include the wallflowers (those whom you don't notice much) and the jelly beans (they are in the same family of the plastic cups).

We should always bare in our minds that we don't stay away from the not-so-good people, but rather we observe them and we learn from them. We should be inspired by these persons; we should do our best not to be like them. 

In our next schedule, I wouldn't be called an orientee anymore. I'm only half-scared because I'm lucky to be in a place where growth is encouraged and people support each other. You can feel the respect in the air and there is no tension to cut because nobody creates one. This is one of the things that I thanked God for last night.

Remember, lightning could strike anytime...

Of course, thanks to Nestlee for being my preceptor... c",) 

The Mother in Christchurch...

Dear journal,


"I will bring you home," said the mother of one of the nurses who was among the casualties in the recent earthquake in New Zealand.

As I watched her on TV, I felt her emotions as she weakly wiped the tears on her cheeks. Though I saw that there was still this hint of hope in her eyes that her daughter is still alive, I know that she has also somehow prepared herself for the other possibility.

I have been through a hearthbreak before, too, but I know that the ache that I felt back then is incomparable to the pain of a mother who has just lost a son or a daughter. I may not have experienced it and I will never experience it because I am not a mother and I will never be one, but at least I can recognize what they're feeling. And my empathy goes to every single one of them.

Carrying a human being inside you for months is a major task that only great people can do. Some not so great people have done the job, too, and you can't actually judge the difference. It is because the true basis of motherhood is not how a woman delivers a baby, but is actually how she raises her child. It is based on the kind of values that her child has, the principles that he practices, and the beliefs that he has on his faith.

The scene of the mother crying probably affected me because I love my mother so much. Like most of you, I wouldn't wish such fate into myself and to my mother.

In May of 2008, I wrote an essay for my mom. Here's an excerpt.

She is the most special girl in my life next to no one. For the 3 years that I have been away, there was not a single moment that I felt that she was not there. Her presence in me was so strong that I did not need her to be with me physically, for just the thought of her brought me her hugs and kisses from accross the seas. And now that I am with her again, I take this opportunity to show her how much she means to me.

She is the one who really completes me. She is the reason why I am here, and I shall be grateful for that forever. Some people say that they are ready to die for others so that they may call themselves "noble." I say, I am willing to live all my life just to make my mother's life noble. Because for me, mothers deserve much nobility like that of a hero. Because my mother? Yes, she is my hero.
Remember, lightning could strike anytime...

Armageddon...

Dear journal,


There was a man who prophesized that the end of the world is near when nation after nation would destroy each other with revolutions and hostilities, which would later on lead to a shattering war that is said to vanish and eradicate everything.

I do not know how prophesies go, but I am definitely with high hopes that they are both erroneous and false. But hypothetically, let us say that Armageddon is indeed near, what do you think will you do?

As for me, I think I'd go home and stay with my family. I would choose to spend the last days or months with them because for the past 5 years, I have been away and I miss them so much. We'll have every meal together, pray together, and do almost everything together. I guess the end of the world wouldn't be that scary if you are with people whom you are willing to die for or to die with. When that time comes, it will not be about dying anymore, but it shall be about my family and I crossing-over to a new and better place together.

I would tell my friends that I love them and would thank them for sharing many things with me. They are the other parts that make me whole, and I would forever be grateful for that. For those that I have wronged and have offended intentionally and unintentionally, I would ask sincere apologies. I would not give reasons why those things were done; I would just plainly say my piece.

For the world, I wish it would take a step backward and, for the last time, be tamed. A day without war would probably not be possible, but that is one of my prayers before I die. I pity those children who haven't lived their lives yet and have to suffer the consequence of the actions of those people who have lived wicked lives. Though ironic it may seem, nothing and no one can answer the injustices that have been in our society since who knows when.

It is a fearsome and dreadful hypothetical picture. But come to think of it, if we live our day thinking it is our last, we would be nicer, kinder, and more polite. Even in arduous and challenging times, we would be more considerate and more solicitous . The bad will be good, and the good will be better.

The thought of death, therefore, humbles people.

Let us not wait for Armageddon to come for us to realize the things that we need to do and change. Let us not wait for another Nostradamus to tell us that our existence is already coming to an end before we share our love and not be heartless. Let our story continue and let us altogether add pages to the book of human race.

Remember, lightning could strike anytime...

Where is the safest place?

Dear journal,


Earthquakes in New Zealand. People unrest in Libya. Snow storm in the United States. Bombing in the Philippines. With all these happening, can anybody tell me what's wrong with the world?

In this day and age (especially with the advent of the borderless world), we search for a place where we can have this sense of peace and tranquility. Never would a person settle for a location where there is imminent danger or perhaps a threat in the national security. But with the natural calamities that are happening left and right and with the destructions caused by terrorists and activists alike, no one can indeed be secure anywhere at any time anymore.

Natural disasters are acceptable, for I view it as nature's way of keeping the balance here on earth. But if I hear news about massacres here or suicide bombers there, I actually wonder if people can really place justice in their own hands.

I am not against assertive people --- those who follow the righteous path in order to clamor for change. They are what we need as catalysts of social justice. What I am against for are those who take matters differently and deliver the kind of retaliation that they deem necessary regardless whether innocent lives are not spared. They are driven by anger, pushed by hatred, and propelled by twisted ideals. They are what I despised the most.

When we were children, our concerns vary from where to play, when to eat, and what toys we want. Now that we are grown ups, we are not just concerned about ourselves, but about what's happening in the world we live in as well. Some sympathized over September 11 bombing in the United States. Others were alarmed with the effect of social networking in the uprising in Egypt, while some are still praying for peace in Libya.

We are concerned because we are human beings. It is innate in us as social animals to at least think about the welfare of others. Some might be too apathetic to even bother to care. But hey, at one point or another, they would still heed the call of their conscience to stop and listen to the muffled cries and graveyard silence that are surrounding them.
Nowadays, nobody cannot really be too sure about his safety anymore. We always think of migrating to a greener pasture and trascend the lives of our families to something better. But the real question now is: where is really the safest place?

Peace will always be a resounding voice from within. Let us all be safe, and altogether pray for a better earth.

Remember, lightning could strike anytime...