♥✩♥ The Last Hurrah! ♥✩♥

This was written after my super friends and I went to Sharm El Sheikh in Egypt. Our contracts there were about to end, thus came this journal.




Dear journal,




Time does not last longer than friendship --- for it is with friendship that we count one lifetime and not with every seconds that passesby...

We were armed with the thought that it was the move that each of us needed for us to start the trek that we have not dared to take until then. We came here to conquer Egypt, but little did we know that this land can make us its conquests...

And so we arrived...


May was Sheila's month. Next came Rica in June. Two months later was Archie's turn. Then, in September, I arrived. People say that two is better than one. I say, four is the number to beat. It may not be the highest number there is, but it beats one, two, and three all the time!

It was summer when we came. The heat was intolerable and the sand was added in the list of our foes. We struggled with work. The adjustment was tough and all the strategies seemed to fail...

The only silver lining that we had that time was that we were always there for each other. Our shoulders were there for each other and we gave half of our strength to the one who needed it the most. I guess those and the laughers that we created made everything less lonely and less scary...

And now that the curtain is on cue to close, we shared, yet again, moments that will surely add years to the lasting friendship that we have built.

Distance may soon separate us, but nothing, not even millions of miles, can mar what we have made. The highest mountain and the saltiest sea are the witnesses of this moment --- our Last Hurrah!

As we go one by one, we take our bow and look forward with a smile. I will be the last to leave and I am probably having anticipatory grieving by now...

I say, it is inevitable...

I say, it is fine...

And I say, soon, without me knowing it, the one will again become four... ♥✩♥





Remember, lightning could strike even in Egypt... :)

Faith and Placebo...

Dear journal,


When I found out that my mother was sick, my world seemed to stop for a second as my knees went weak. I know that I can't show any sign of weakness because that is the last thing that could help. Being the older child, I have lived up to every responsibility that our circumstance has given us. Give big problems, and I would be the first in line to look for solutions, but having a sick family member is really arduous for me as it is for anybody else. It is not my cup of tea; it is not anyone's cup of tea, I suppose.

All of us are tired and would often complain of pain in any part of our body. We take care of others who are sick, but we, too, are sick. May it be emotional, physical, psychological, or spiritual, we are not always in top shape. We are all unwell in one way or another, but we still strive to be better, which is why we give out a healthy facade. But looking better doesn't mean that we are fine; it just means that we want others to believe we are okay, so that they won't ask and we won't be obligated to tell.


Thus, we pray for healing.

Everyday, I pray for everybody's good health especially that of my family and other special people in my life. I tell the Divine Healer to place them under His mantle of protection, so that they can be away from any sickness. When I go to work, I always put in my mind that my profession as a nurse is His way of sending His love to those who are suffering here on earth. We have on the palm of our hands the ability to cure anything if only we believe.


Healing is a miracle that happens every minute of the day. It is a gift that is sometimes left unnoticed. The cure to every diseases and every illness of the body may still not be discovered, but the cure to a sick soul lies only on one thing: Faith.

The reason why there is placebo effect is because people can heal themselves even just by thinking about it. By believing that there is something or someone healing them makes them heal, the unreal becomes true, and the doubts, removed. By virtue of faith, healing becomes possible even in the most desperate time.

I know in my heart that my mother will surpass this test of faith she is on. She will witness the realization of the aspirations that we have as a family. It is fine to be scared, I assure myself. I believe in many things, for it is one of the things that put complacency on my pillow when I close my eyes at night. Faith, as I see it, gives another dimention to hope. With those things in mind, the future isn't as scary anymore.


Remember, lightning could strike anytime...

The Sanity In Insanity...

Dear journal,


I guess I was not born to be a psychiatric nurse.

It's really hard dealing with the not-so-sane people. You have to possess sky-high understanding and unlimited patience because they are not in their proper minds. If they tell you hurtful things, the only thing you can do is to let it out of your system, and not take it as it is, or else you'll end your shift with excess in emotional baggage.

The field of neurology, I think, is one of the most depressing fields there is aside from Oncology. The brain is a complex organ that is quite hard to understand more than the heart. It is the father of all the cells, enzymes, and impulses that are present in our body. Once the brain becomes sick, other parts will grieve and will be affected, too.

Our world is a big psychiatric ward with increasing number of affected people. Lunacy, as I see it, is a highly contagious disease with unstable incubation period. The differential diagnosis is simple even though they come in all shapes and sizes, dressed up and well-mannered at times. Crazy people think the same because studies have shown that they all come from the same causative agent. How do I know all these? It is because I am one of them.

Yes, I am crazy, too. I'm a difficult person to handle with frequent complex thoughts and ideas, that are signs of a decade old paranoia and infantile trust. I tend to manage these psychiatric manifestations by telling myself that being aware of my insanity is already the first step in recovery. Therefore, I am not just a plain lunatic; I am a recovering crazy person.

As nurses, we see people as patients who need our compassion and care regardless of how rude they act toward us. We don't listen to the words they utter, but we try to hear the sound of help that comes everytime they raise their voices to communicate something to us. We are expected to know therapeutic communication by heart, and put it into practice all the time.


One way or another, we are all weaved with a strand or two of insanity. Some can control it, while others don't. For those who lost it, the best way to deal with them is to let them feel that no matter what they say or do, we will still be there, with arms open and free, to accept them and to give them the same understanding we give to everybody else. 

Remember, lightning could strike anytime...  

Lies are the Liars' Truth

Dear journal,


Real eyes realize real lies.

I have come to know recently about this person who is fond of fabricating stories. She twists events to favor her so that she'd be free from blame. She has this guts of an untamed monkey who confronts people all the time. At first, she seems so innocent, for her head is covered and you cannot see her horns. But once she starts talking, all the filth comes with such force it shocks you.

Some people know her to be this ever helpful and so efficient worker. But little do they know that she chooses those whom she helps. She has two sides in her that is so apparent especially when she hasn't been on her third break. I respected her, for she's old, but i realized that even old people should work for respect, too. All of us are on the same playing field when it comes to this, I believe.

I hate people who tell lies like it is the most natural thing in the world. They find convenience in not telling the truth. They hear one thing, and convey it as if a new book has been written; the edited version though is pretty convincing because they are good. Years of practice made them masters of their craft. I tell lies as well, but I don't make it a hobby and it's definitely not a pleasure.

Lies can make mountains move and command oceans to divide into two. It can create hostilities and bogus peace, and make men turn against themselves. If you live in lies, you'll continue to live in dreams and never wake up. Once the lies are dropped, you might find yourself naked and vulnerable; insecurities will crawl in your bed and suffocate you until you finally admit to yourself that you haven't been true.


And so I am certain: Lies are the liars' truth.




Remember, lightning could strike the liars, too...

The Law of Supply and Demand...

Dear journal,


We are all commodities. We package ourselves, present them to possible buyers, and name our price. We search for other people, and we see their price tags, too. The rule is: we can only get what we can afford. But unlike fragile commodities, if people break us, we are not yet considered sold; but rather, we will still be the unsold broken man who waits for healing and miracle. 

It is like the olympics everyday; competition is everywhere. When you are in college, you'll have to get satisfactory grades so that you can graduate. When you graduate, you'll have to land a competitive job. Then when you get a job, you'll have to be good in it so that you won't get fired. This happens to everyone, not just to you, so everybody is your rival.

You study harder, you look better, and you gain more experience so that you can have the edge over others. If others give it their 100%, you run a mile longer and give 110% just to take the lead.

It is the same thing when it comes to love. You put yourself out there hoping somebody would notice. You cut your hair a little shorter, put on the best perfume, and dress like you are dress to kill. Love (correct me if I'm wrong) does not just happen to everybody; you have to make it happen sometimes. I think this is the reason why "I'm single" is placed on facebook so that those who are interested may know that you are indeed available. 


But nothing is as easy as it seems. It is a jungle out there, the cliche goes. We put on our best profile picture and print our detailed curriculum vitae so that the world may have a glimpse of who we are. We balance the law of supply and demand, for we are, in entirety, the supply and the demand. 


Remember, lightning could strike anytime...

When Dexter Morgan and Captain Barbell Met...

Dear journal,


I want to go to Miami and meet Dexter Morgan, the famous blood splatter guy who moonlights as a serial killer. I want to hang out with him and ask him many questions about the kind of life he lives, about the people he kills, and about his favorite donut. I want to see him at work (doing the blood splatter thing, not the killing) and pick his brain about the killer code that he has. If only he's a real guy and not a character in a TV series I watch entitled Dexter...                    

I'm a big fan of TV series. I am currently hooked on Chuck, Grey's Anatomy, Brothers and Sisters, Glee, and Dexter. I even frequently check the episode guide for each of them so that I won't miss any episode. I just anticipate every episode, and feel excited every time another one is coming out. I can watch them all day without getting bored. I am such an addict; my flatmates can attest to that.

If you're a fanatic like me, you won't help but compare our local tv series to that of other countries. I compare them all the time. Clark Kent in Smallville flies like he's really flying, but Captain Barbell, on the other hand, looks like he's hanging from somewhere with his harness on. The effects on Imortal seem so basic if you compare them to that of Vampire Diaries; vampires look really pale white in the latter, and do not look like they've been rolled on flour. I could elaborate on the comparisons, but it would take me all day.

Actually, the physical and effect aspects of the local series may be forgiveable, for we are really behind in terms of film technology. But the sad part is, they do not just lack in manner, but they are poor in matter, too. Substance, I believe, is very important in films. Plots are almost the same all the time, which start off with usual story lines, and have very predictable endings. It seems that they just rehash old programs, put in a new name, and a new TV series is born.

I am a patriotic person. I am not, in any way, putting down our fellowmen just because I find some of our TV programs to be lame and prosaic. I just think we can do more than that. We are Filipinos, and we can create better characters than Nita-Negrita or different story line than Cinderella. We have great actors and actresses who just need good materials to act on. Our minds could send rockets if we work for it more. We are, after all, one of the most ingenious people around.

Yes, I want to meet Dexter Morgan. And Mara and Clara, too.


Remember, lightning could strike anytime...

The Thrill of the Game...

Dear journal,


My friends and I went to Al Shallal amusement park last week. Though I'm really not into extreme rides and all, I went because it was Lolly's requests (she's going home already so that's the least that I can do, right?) I haven't even been to Enchanted Kingdom or Star City. I believe I should start to pity myself already, shouldn't I?

Though I was not fine that day, I had fun, and I got to spend time with my friends. Being there felt like we were not in the kingdom of the arabs. Lolly and I shared the same fear of heights, so we just enjoyed watching the rest of them riding those crazy rides that I wouldn't even dare to ride even in my sleep. I admire them, for they can conquer their fears well.

Your story and my story are like those wild rides that make your insides turn upside down. Our life can indeed be scary fast and horrifyingly high. Nothing is to be expected even on permanent things, for everything is moving and changing all at the same time. There is nothing new in this; this is just the way things are.You try to hold on to something as if your life actually depends on it when all you are expected to do is to let go. This is how irony can become really bad; it makes you feel like your life is nothing but a mere joke.

And then you rode the one you thought would not make you sick, for it looked like the ones kids ride, only to find out that it would be the worst ride of your life. You were, yet again, deceived. You based your decision only on what your eyes can see. If you had looked pass the colorful blinking lights and the seemingly childish stuff, you could have realized that the machinery that runs inside the big kiddie ride is enough to make your head turn and pray like you have never prayed before.

I think we can agree on one thing though, all of us enjoyed the bump car. First, you get to drive carelessly and just be carefree regardless if you know how to drive a real car or not. `And second, you get the general idea of the ride, which is: to bump or be bumped.


May it be the adorned carrousel or the dreaded octopus, we just have to enjoy the ride and savor every minute our feet are above the ground. When the ride is done and our feet kissed the soil of the earth, let us still be grateful for the vertigo, for it only means one thing: You are alive. 


Remember, lightning could strike anytime...